


The vegas conundrum

by EpicXemnasman



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 20:42:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29615160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpicXemnasman/pseuds/EpicXemnasman
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	The vegas conundrum

"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?" Xigbar shouted, laughing. "Y-you seriously bankrupted the entirety of Las Vegas? Ha ha this is amazing!" The eyepatched Nobody guffawed. Saix growled.  


"You are aware that this only paints a target on our back right? Like, we have so much money but now people are gonna come for us. The bloods, the crips, the ballas or god forbid the Yakuza. You should've dropped your stupid gambling habit Luxord."  


"Who cares?" Xigbar exclaimed. "We have enough money to buy Swaziland!"  


"Why there?" Luxord inquired, while trying to stuff some coins into a taxidermy hamster."  


"I don't know." Xigbar replied. "Just sounded good I guess." Luxord nodded in understanding.  


"Who cares about Swaziland you fucking apricot!" Saix shouted. "We are completely fucked when the other gangs catch wind of this!"  


"Calm yourself Saix." Came a deep voice. The three Nobodies turned and saw Xemnas approaching.  


"Look boss, I get it, we got cash now. But that cash is going to fuck us over!" Saix protested. Xemnas raised a hand.  


"Luxord, my uncles taxidermy animals are not your money storage areas. Stop fucking with them." Xemnas said. Luxord sighed and obeyed.  


"Hey boss mind if I grab a coffee?" Xigbar asked.  


"Yes I do mind. Stay here before I beat the shit out of you." Xemnas growled. Xigbar nodded sadly and proceeded to jump onto the couch that was nearby. Saix shook his head in disbeleif.  


"So Luxord bankrupts all of Las Vegas and I'm expected to just let it slide? Boss, you can't be serious!" He yelled. Xemnas sighed.  


"Look, we've got money. Sure that makes us a target. But it gives us access to weapons, people, supplies and influence! We'll just buy some shit!" He explained. Saix sighed in annoyance and sat on the floor, sobbing.  


"Well!" Xigbar exclaimed, grabbing his phone and ordering 500 bags of coffee. "Let's have some fun!" 

"Now hold on just a minute!" Saix snapped. Xigbar looked up and Luxord fell over one of the taxidermy animals. "You can't just waste all of our money on coffee. We gotta think about this for a second!" Xigbar stared at him, then pressed the 'order' button. Saix stared at him, completely dumbfounded. 

"This place is gonna be heart attack central in a bit." Luxord said, getting to his feet. 

"ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING!" Saix screamed. "FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED DOLLARS GONE DOWN THE DRAIN?" Xigbar laughed and shook his head. "Nono! Five hundred twenty five thousand SEVEN hundred dollars gone down the drain!" Saix shook his head in disbelief. 

"I'm going to have a fucking aneurysm." He muttered. Xemnas chuckled. 

"Well at least we can pay for the healthcare. My uncle is a heart surgeon or something." 

"Isn't your name just an anagram of your uncles but with an X?" Luxord asked. Xemnas shook his head, 

"No, my name is an anagram of my brothers name with an X. My uncle is old, bald and was also pretty cold." 

"Get him a coat." 

"Cold personality wise." 

"Oh." 

"Look." Xemnas continued, "What matters is we have enough coin to buy whatever we want. Las Vegas is stuck in a financial recession and we can do what we like!" 

"Can't we just buy Las Vegas?" Luxord asked. Xemnas shook his head. 

"Nah fuck that, we're gonna buy Hawaii." The mob boss responded. 

"Why not Swaziland?" Xigbar asked. 

"Because who the fuck knows about Swaziland you slice of grilled cheese." 

"Okay boss no need to go that far!" Luxord exclaimed as Xigbar began to cry. 

"Look, all we need to do is figure out how we buy Hawaii." Saix said, eating a melted cheese, steak and leek wrap. "The Obamas aren't gonna let us do it that easily." 

"You're right. But I've got a plan." Xemnas said, grinning. Luxord, Saix and Xigbar looked up. 

"What sort of plan boss?" Xigbar asked. 

"We're going to buy the Obamas." His three associates mouths dropped open. 

"Excuse me?" Luxord asked. 

"Boss you can't be serious!" Saix cried. 

"I'm always serious Saix." 

"Fuck." 

"Think about it, if we buy the Obamas, we have the power to control not only Hawaii, but the US information delivery stuff. We have access to intelligence breifings which we use to sell to the highest bidder! And then, with that intelligence sold, we can get more money and more money mean-" 

"MORE MONEY FOR ME TO GAMBLE!" Luxord shouted. "BOSS YOU'RE A FUCKING GENIUS!" Xemnas, who was visibly annoyed, shushed Luxord and continued. 

"As I was saying. More money means more power, more power means more influence, more influence means more people, more people means more drugs and more drugs mean more buyers and more buyers means more money! It's a cycle of wealth!" His three associates nodded their understanding.


End file.
